December 23, 2009
In the face of hard times, new recruit fills in
NORTH POLE- Due to the global recession this year, Baby New Year will double this season as Santa Claus.
Traditionally seen wearing a top hat and a sash, Santa and the elves have fashioned a miniature suit for the Christmas Baby in order that no confusion arise.
“The little tyke has a bowl full of jelly and like milk, so I didn’t really see a problem,” Mr. Claus said. “There’s no cause for alarm though, all the good little boys and girls will get presents this year, provided their on the list.”
Rudolph and the other reindeer were excited about the shift this year, expressing uncontrollable, almost unnatural joy at learning the sleigh will weigh several hundred pounds less.
“Our trip around the world in a one night is no Claymation fantasy,” The red-nosed reindeer exclaimed. “We know the route by heart, but we’re not getting any younger either. This switch to Baby What’s His Bucket should shave a couple hours off the trip. Don’t worry, we’ll make it to your house…and while I have the floor, we don’t really like carrots. If you choose to leave something with the milk and cookies, please leave tangerines…oh, yeah, Blitzen has a wicked sweet tooth for chocolate.”
Representatives from the Division of Labor were reported to have visited the North Pole upon hearing of this new arrangement, and they quoted California State Statute with regard to labor laws.
“Minors aged 15 days to 18 years employed in the entertainment industry must have a permit to work, and employers must have a permit to employ,” said agent Dwight Shrute to a very surprised Mrs. Claus in the doorway of her modest cabin. “These permits are also required for minors who are employed as advertising or photographic models. Permits are required even when the entertainment is noncommercial in nature.”
Mrs. Claus made the agents wait outside and got Santa from the living room. “It’s for you dear,” was all the sweet woman said to her husband.
“Well hello there young man,” Santa said the Department of Labor representatives. “How on earth did you find my house?”
Santa went on to explain that his replacement did not actually DO anything. He explained that Baby Christmas was just representing the spirit of the season before switching hats to help bring in the New Year. Santa gave the agent a candy cane and sent him on his way.
“Take that guy off the list,” he told Mrs. Claus upon returning to his chair in front of the fireplace. “Permit my foot.”
While Baby Christmas is scheduled to follow the same routine as Santa this year, it was suggested that a glass of milk next to the chimney should be replaced by a bottle.
When interviewed about the exciting night’s journey around the world to distribute presents, fill stockings, and generally spread joy throughout the land, Baby Christmas had no comment, but was reported to be a little gassy.
It was rumored that the Easter Bunny and Saint Patrick are flipping a coin to see who gets to represent in the spring as economic hardship is not likely to subside in the coming months. The Tooth Fairy, however, will keep her job and is likely to offer more money for teeth with fillings.
